Back at it!

I haven't really even really tried to work at losing weight lately.  I've had some health problems, and really just no motivation...but I'm back at it....and have lost 1.2lbs this week without really changing anything...

We are starting at the Y tomorrow - bright and early (5am!)  I'm hoping it'll help the fibromyalgia more than anything, but we'll see.  Wish me luck!  

Depression...

...makes it REALLY hard to have ANY motivation to want to lose weight.  The last few weeks (well, really months) I've been in a major slump.  I've had some good weeks, but the last couple have just stunk.  I think the stress at work has been part of the reason....


In any case...it's just one more LAME excuse as to why I'm not even trying to lose weight.  The good news is that I haven't gained either, thankfully.  


So...what's the game plan?  No idea, I don't really have one.   Not entirely sure I even want to make one that I'm only going to pretend to try to use either.   Maybe it just isn't the time for me to try this with everything else going on.  Maybe that's just another excuse....who knows, it's clear I don't.  


We are planning on going to join the YMCA next week when we get paid.  We'll go over after work and work out together.  That's the plan anyhow.  We'll see.  

UGH!

I gained 2.2lbs this week....that's all.  

Selfish & Lazy

Ask me to describe myself in two words & that is what I would tell you right now.  At least as far as weight loss is concerned.  Seriously, I need to kick my own butt ~ but I'm not sure I've quite figured out how to do that yet. 

I want babies.  I want babies SOON!  I want babies so bad it hurts more than anything to hear someone else is having a baby.  I have a friend that just found out they are having their third - exciting, right?  To most - yet I'm sitting here annoyed as heck because she's a year younger than I am and will have 3 babies before I have one!  UGH!  

YET, I know that if I lose weight my chances of having a successful pregnancy will increase A LOT!  Sooo ~ doesn't it seem that I should be working my butt off to lose that weight? Well, of course...but, am I?   NOPE!  I have become the MASTER of all excuses ~ granted, while most of them have validity to them, they are NOT the absolutes I am treating them as.  

So, here are MY excuses & my chance to play devil's advocate with myself.  I more need to put it in writing to try to really smack myself across the face with it.

My Excuse:

I have PCOS.  It does, after all, CAUSE weight gain.  In fact, I was thin & healthy before the PCOS.  

My Smack:

PCOS caused about 1/3 of the weight gain that has gotten you to this point.  The rest was you feeling sorry for yourself and eating WAY more than you should.

My Excuse:

I have fibromyalgia, and it makes it impossible for me to exercise because the pain is just TOO GREAT!  

My Smack:

Yes, it hurts...BUT it's proven that the more you exercise, the more the pain subsides and the better you feel... It requires sucking it up and dealing with the pain for a short time, but the long term is worth it AND, quite frankly, your case of fibromyalgia is a lot less severe than some people you have encountered recently.  

My Excuse:  (and really, the most pathetic of them all)

I don't have time to cook a healthy meal every night, and to pack lunch....and I can't order salads & stuff at restaurants because I'm allergic to the preservatives on the lettuce.

My Smack:

Really, do I even need to say anything but GET OVER IT?  

Bottom Line:

Yes, weight loss is going to be harder for me than a person without all of the extra medical conditions...BUT it  isn't IMPOSSIBLE and it is NECESSARY for my health, and for babies.  I OWE it to that sweet little spirit waiting to come to this earth.  I owe it to my dear husband who is wanting babies just as much as I do....and I owe it to my Father in Heaven who has given this body to me as a gift.  

Well darn...

...I weighed in yesterday, and while I didn't gain any weight, I certainly didn't lose any either.  Well, .2lbs....yippee!  I have lost a total of 8 since we technically started June 1st - so that's good I suppose.  Blah...it's a new week...which means I have a new opportunity to kick it's butt...right?  

Exercising

is HARD. I mean, I know getting into the habit is hard, but for me, it's actually painful & it bites.  I used to walk 3-5miles before work at least 4 times a week... now I can barely get a mile without feeling like I want to die.  

They tell me if I start slow & work my way up it will get better...but with this pain it's hard to believe.  Just my normal daily walking (around the office/home/grocery store & etc.) makes the tops of my leg hurt for several hours...and that's nothing compared to the pain in my feet.  I can barely walk after sitting for as little as 5 minutes.  

I NEED to find the motivation to keep trying, but I'm not sure I have it in me right now...and being a big whiny baby is a lot easier. 

Moderation in ALL things

OK, I'm not great at the whole moderation thing....actually, in all honesty....I am AWFUL at it.  For example....

Weight Watchers has some yummy ice cream treats that are low in points (if you aren't familiar with the WW point system, I'll post about it later...).  So, in an effort to cut calories, but still have our treats, we bought a box of ice cream bars (they had chocolate ice cream with an oreo crumble crust thing) that were so good! Each one is only 2pts (in comparison to 8-10 points for most ice cream bars) so I thought we were doing pretty good....UNTIL I sat down and at 3 last night....yep, that's right THREE.  Seriously, what is wrong with me!?! On the plus side - it was the last three, so I have to go without now (at least until we get paid and have money in our grocery budget again Wednesday).  

So, just another point testifying to me that I NEED to work on portion control FIRST.  So, I have decided I'm going to pull out all of my books and do Weight Watchers from home.  I may sign up to the website, just because you get some DIVINE recipes...but in any case, the points system is going to be quickly re-incorporated into my diet!